While reflecting on her divorce from Brandon Blackstock, Kelly Clarkson shared all-new details of how she managed the heartbreak and difficult process.
"I don't know how people get through anything like that because I'm not going to say I did it gracefully. Behind closed doors by myself, it was not," Clarkson, 41, admitted to radio host Zane Lowe during a conversation for Apple Music 1, which first aired on Wednesday, June 21.
"Just to be brutally honest, I did not handle it well," the Kelly Clarkson Show host said of her initial reaction to the dissolution of her seven-year-long marriage. "I had many sessions with just my friends [where] I couldn't even speak. I was crying so hard, even before separating."
Still, she described that with time, she'd been granted a sense of clarity that seems to have helped her throughout the healing process. "There were just a lot of now unhealthy habits you recognize or habits that you recognize that you didn't see before," she said. "Hindsight is a lot easier."
Clarkson also explained how she doesn't believe there's any single moment that led her to move on, but she found the strength to do so in her music-something she's previously spoken about-channeling her feelings into her upcoming studio album, Chemistry.
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"I don't know that there's one moment. I think it's gradual," she said. "And that's what people tell you, too. I mean, it's interesting, because this album starts off with a song called 'Skip This Part,' And I literally say, 'Can I skip this part?' I literally said to my therapist [before we were separated], 'We're trying to figure it out. I desperately want to make this happen,' but I think I knew in my heart it just wasn't going to."
The American Idol alum continued, "It's just sh-ty, and that's where I'm at, and I don't want to go through it. . Love makes you do really incredible things and incredibly stupid things. And so, I don't think there was a moment. I think it just gradually happened to where, one day, I think one thing that did help me is she was like, 'You don't have to attend every argument that you're invited to.' And that really stuck with me."
Since settling her divorce last spring, Clarkson remains focused on the important things in life: the well-being of her family, which includes the former couple's two young children, River Rose, 9, and Remington, 7, and her music.
Chemistry is set to hit shelves and streamers on Friday, June 23.
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