It's official, Keith Jackson is now the authority on how our clubs should be performing in European Competition.
In his piece in this morning's Record, he reckons the performance of the Scottish Premiership's clubs is bordering on the ridiculous.
Now to be fair, he does go on a rant about his favourite club and Hearts, more so than he does about Celtic.
He leaves his best bit till last and refers to Ange's style of football as "Thrash metal".
A strange description, I'm not sure how that particular style of music is akin to a style of football?
My personal musical description of our manager's style of football would be orchestral, a perfect symphony with Ange as the conductor.
But hey, that's just me.
I'm not going to go into detail on his ramblings in relation to other clubs, as I can only speak for my own.
But to say it's a long winded and confusing journey into the mind's eye of Keith Jackson would be an understatement.
You'll see for yourself should you so choose to read it via the link provided.
Needless to say, it clearly killed him to give our club any praise, "aggression and thundering pace" was about as far as he'd go.
Apparently, we were subjected to a 3-0 battering.
The Real Madrid players certainly didn't think they'd battered us.
Neither did the Carlo Ancelotti.
But what would they know?
Keith Jackson is clearly the expert here, not them.
Here's his description of our performance last Tuesday night:
"But it could all turn flat very quickly unless van Bronckhorst and his players show an appetite for the occasion and a desire to engage with their opponents. That's why Celtic were applauded off their own pitch at the end of last week's second half mauling from Real Madrid."
"They may have been completely outclassed before the end but the aggression and the thundering tempo of their first half performance was enough to satisfy the demands of a home support which turned up not knowing quite what to expect. Yes, Ange Postecoglou's brand of thrash metal football might be too much for most to cope with in this country but the visit of Europe's champions provided an intriguing gauge for how it might measure up on the biggest stage of all."
"So, while a 3-0 battering was the bottom line, Celtic's players will feel reasonably reassured that they can get more joy out of Shakhtar Donetsk on Wednesday night by adopting that same high intensity approach."
We weren't battered and we weren't mauled.
Even after Madrid's third goal, our heads did not go down and we battled gamely for a consolation goal.
Jackson goes on to provide his insight into what might happen in his final paragraphs of this thesis on Scottish football teams participating in European competition:
"Let's hope so too because the Ukrainians laid down a marker of their own in Leipzig last week with a 4-1 win."
"If they dish out another sore one in Warsaw in midweek then Postecoglou's grand plan for taking Celtic on tour might suddenly appear a whole lot more flawed than first thought. And that's exactly the kind of reality check that Scottish football can do without now that we're in danger of appearing inadequate all over again."
Well I'll give my tuppence worth here.
In fact, I think we'll battle gamely against our Ukrainian opponents and I'd go so far as to say we'll get a result.
I think it will be an exciting tie, end to end, just like last Tuesday night's game.
The difference this time around is that we are not playing Real Madrid and we'll get plenty of chances.
I believe we'll make them count.
Maryan Shved will be out to prove we shouldn't have been so dismissive of his talents.
He'll be the one we need to watch.
Josip Juranovic will be on his old stomping ground and he'll be confident he can keep him in check.
It promises to be an interesting evening.
To be fair to Keith Jackson in his thesis, he does focus his ire mostly on his favourite team.
However, I'm sure that stems mostly from his angst at seeing them prove they are not all they are cracked up to be.
Most of us know they made it to the Europa League final on a run of unbelievable luck.
The fact that that luck has run out is what's gnawing away at poor Keith.
Gio says he needs millions to compete at this level, Keith thinks his side needs to grow a pair.
It looks like that pair is firmly lodged in their upper regions since the 3rd of September.
Getting them to make an appearance on Wednesday night could prove to be a challenge.
Ah well, some clubs just have more balls than others.