When a couple has a brand-new baby, it is common to hear things like, "He has his father's nose" or "She has her mother's eyes." When people say these things, they are referring to genetic traits that have been passed down to a child from their biological parents.
As that child grows, comments may change to things like, "She is stubborn like her dad" or "He is fiesty like his mom." When these comments are made, people are referring to behavioral traits. Behavioral traits are a mixture of inherited behaviors based on genetics and learned behaviors from the immediate environment, according to Biology Online.
Parents may fear passing both genetic traits and behavioral traits on to their children. Unfortunately, there is not much that can be done about genetic traits aside from treating them if they do get inherited. Behavioral traits, on the other hand, parents can have a little more control over them. Not always, but sometimes.
Related:10 Personality Traits In Children And 10 Ways To Nurture Them
Parenting Mental Health says, overthinking is the act of thinking too much and too deeply about things. It can happen to anyone, but often times it hinders a person from being present in their daily lives. Overthinking can keep people from engaging with others and sleeping too.
Parents may not realize they are passing this on, but children notice a lot of what their parents do, and that includes overthinking. Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC has some recommendations on how parents can stop the cycle, by trying not to:
According to Child Mind Institute, there is evidence that children of anxious parents are more likely to exhibit anxiety themselves, a probable combination of genetic risk factors and learned behaviors. As a parent, a lot of guilt can come from passing down something like anxiety. Parents should try not to be too hard on themselves, though.
The passing of anxiety from parent to child is not an inevitable one. Parents can try to learn their triggers and develop strategies to manage their own stress and anxiety. As they develop these coping mechanisms, they can also be taught to children to help them manage their stress if needed.
There are psychological tests that can measure the level of anger a person is feeling. Those tests also show how likely it is for you to get angry and how you handle yourself with it. Typically, if someone has an anger issue, they know about it. Either they notice it or someone else does.
Anger can manifest itself in different ways, as a parent, though it is not something you want to see in your child. Some children are just born with a tendency to anger; for others, it is a learned behavior. Parents can look closer at what triggers them, to find the root of their anger, and go from there to manage it.
Being a perfectionist is not just trying to do things right all the time, or someone saying they are "OCD" about something. Perfectionists are not motivated by being perfect. They are motivated by fear. The thought of failing at something can shut them down completely.
This trait can play heavily on a person's self-esteem and mental health. Parents can work on this by doing things like allowing themselves to make mistakes in front of their children. Keeping calm and positive when it happens. If a parent were to lower their expectations of themselves, and be gentle with themselves; the child will see this.
People-pleasing can be exhausting. People who exhibit this behavior tend to do whatever it takes to make people happy, even when it puts themselves out. They take things too far, and become burnt out, stressed out, and anxiety-driven. Parents can set up a plan for themselves to make an effort to focus on what matters most, versus always tending to others. Setting up clear boundaries for themselves, and thinking before acting will all help towards letting go of the need to please.
According to Henry Ford Health, it's developmentally appropriate for kids to mimic what they see and hear from their parents. If a mother calls herself fat often enough, her child is going to pick up on it. Even complaining about different parts of the body can be harmful to children. Parents can start by being aware of what they say out loud, as well as what their children are expressing. Trying to focus on being healthy and making healthy choices can help in avoiding negative self-talk.
Avoiding conflict or avoiding confrontation usually stems from not wanting to upset people. These people might let others walk all over them, or hold in their feelings to keep the peace. While avoiding conflict isn't always a bad thing, it can be very dangerous for a child.
Parents can work on teaching their children how to say no. Let them know that it is ok to say no when they are uncomfortable or don't feel right doing something. Gaining this knowledge will help them advocate for themselves and stand up for themselves.
Keeping emotions bottled up might look like a person who says they are fine, even when they aren't. They might put on a smile and hide their pain, not talk about or like being asked about how they feel. This is also known as emotional repression. Emotional repression is sometimes thought of as a defense mechanism. People shut down negative emotions or avoid them, and focus on the positive.
Parents can try to find their triggers. They may want to investigate these emotions more and try to sit with them for a while. Finding a way to talk about them and understand them may help as well. Trying to make sure they talk out painful emotions their child might be feeling could help their children learn that negative emotions are ok, and a natural part of life.
Sources: Child Mind Institute, Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC, Parenting Mental Health, Biology Online, Henry Ford Health