There are a number of questions and comments new mothers can expect after having a baby. While many are well-intentioned and thoughtful, that doesn't mean they're appropriate to say. This may cause the new mother additional stress without you even realizing it. As a new mom, she needs support and kindness, not curious (and judgmental) questions. Below, we review 10 things you should never say to a new mother and why.
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Well, duh. With a newborn in the house, you can expect any parent to feel exhausted. One study found that the majority of new parents only get 5 to 6 hours of sleep per night, and it's likely not in a single, consecutive stretch.
There's no need to make a new mom feel worse by telling her she looks as tired as she feels. Instead, offer to watch the baby, so she can nap if you think she'll take you up on it.
When you've just had a new baby, your main priority isn't to lose weight - it's to take care of your newborn. It's never appropriate to discuss someone's weight, even if you're trying to be encouraging. Many postpartum mothers struggle to feel comfortable in their changing bodies, so you're doing her any favors by bringing it up.
Breastfeeding is a very sensitive subject. There are many mothers who want to nurse but can't due to a variety of reasons. She may need to supplement with formula because her supply is low, or the baby isn't latching correctly. There are also some moms who choose not to breastfeed because of the physical and mental toll it takes.
All that matters is that the baby is fed and happy. Don't bring up someone's breastfeeding journey unless they talk about it first.
It's normal for new parents to feel overwhelmed with their infant. Not only should you not expect them not to go too far from the house, but don't assume the new parents are open to visitors. They have a lot on their plate, and may also be trying to protect their baby from germs (since newborns are the most vulnerable).
Constantly asking when you can see the baby can make a new mom feel stressed. It's best to wait until she initiates a visit first.
Some people have strong opinions on how much a baby should and shouldn't be held. But don't offer your unsolicited advice on this topic. You're only going to make the new mom second guess how much she's holding her baby, thus stressing her out.
Moreover, research has found that it's only a myth that parents can hold a baby too much. Infants need constant affection, and it helps them develop emotionally, physically, and intellectually.
This is just a rude comment to make. You never know if one parent is feeling insecure that the baby doesn't look like them. Regardless of how they look, the baby is going to be adorable. Don't obsess over how much or how little the infant looks like its parents or make comments on the baby's genetics. These comments are never well received.
This is absolutely no one's business! You'd likely never ask a woman about her nether regions in a normal context, so it's likewise not appropriate to do even if she's postpartum.
Sex after a baby can be a sensitive subject and should only be brought up if the mom talks about it first. Even then, it's not appropriate to ask about how things look post-baby or what her sex life is like. If you're curious about these topics, do some googling on your own time.
People have strong opinions on baby names. But if it's not your baby, then it's not your business. It's a good rule of thumb to avoid commenting on an infant's name unless you have something nice to say. At this point, the parents have already named the baby, and you'll only make things feel awkward if you say anything negative.
This question is never appropriate, regardless of whether the baby has been born or not. You never know what someone went through prior to having a baby. They may have suffered pregnancy losses and fertility challenges or had a difficult time choosing whether to keep the pregnancy.
Now that the baby is here, focus on supporting the new mother, not inquiring into what challenges she's faced in becoming a mom.
You may be eager to know when your loved one is going to have another baby, especially if you can tell that she loves motherhood. But avoid any questions that pry about the future.
Even if the new mom has vocalized wanting more kids, she may be going through a challenging time now and can't imagine having another baby. Over 30% of women suffer from postpartum depression (PPD). Don't add to her stress load by discussing future baby plans, especially if she's worried that her age is catching up to her. Focus on how you can support her and her baby in the present.
Sources: Healthline, WebMD, Postpartum Depression,