Children don't come with a manual, even if they did, how useful would it really be? Every child is so precious and unique, and things change at such a rapid pace that it's impossible to write a book that could keep up.
While there is no, "One size fits all" regarding kids, there are certain phrases that we should never say to them. You may have heard some of these when you were younger. Maybe you have used them on your own child. Don't worry, nobody is going to take away your parenting card; we can all learn to be more mindful at times.
Related:
Signs Of Being A Critical Mom (& How To Change That)
Here is something everyone should know about kids; they cry to relieve stress. The younger the child, the less ability they have to communicate or deal with stress, so crying relieves it for them. The National Library of Medicine describes crying as catharsis. Catharsis refers to the experience of relief resulting from the expression of strong emotions that may be experienced after, for example, crying, swearing, or aggressive acts. The general idea is that such expressions result in the release of excessive emotional energy.
Children should not think that love equals people treating them poorly. Nobody should ever treat another person negatively because they like them. Jennifer Kalita, a women's advocate in Washington, D.C. states parents can help children build "extreme self-esteem." Kids who see themselves as capable and loved more often avoid abuse.
Conversations with children about bullies and bossy friends can reinforce the idea that people don't get to control others.
Children watch everything their parents do. Parents are the ones teaching them how to be a person. If a parent doesn't want them doing it, they themselves shouldn't do it . Swearing is a great example of this. Yes, it might be cute when a 2-year-old slips and says sh** for the first time; it's not so cute when they are in kindergarten, though.
Putting limits on a child's interests or telling them what they can and cannot do based on their sex tells them that they are somehow doing something wrong. It draws a strong line between what girls can do and what boys can do. A child should be able to be who they are and express themselves in healthy ways.
Raewyn Connell, author of "Masculinities," said many teenage boys feel as though they must avoid any signs of weakness or femininity. This, in turn, feeds homophobia, because gay men are associated with the parts of themselves that they feel they must suppress.
Clearly, if a child is crying, they are not fine. Parents invalidate a child's feelings by saying this. It tells them what hurts them doesn't matter, and it does. When this treatment continues, it leads to them keeping a lot inside, which can result in poor mental health and behavioral issues.
According to Cooks Hill Counseling children cry for many reasons, they may be frustrated, hurt, or want attention. Whatever the reason is, the way you as a parent react to their distress will make an impact on them as a human. Approaching sadness and unhappiness with love and compassion is the best way to go.
Telling a child they are a disappointment is just about the worst thing a parent can say to a child. Many children grow up believing they are a disappointment to their families because they are mindlessly told this throughout their lifetimes. It's not ok. Parents telling a child they are disappointed in the choices they made can cause the same effect, if you are disappointed in what happened, make it clear to your child what it is and why it is that you are.
A child goes to their parents for love and affection, not to have something thrown in their face. Michigan State University refers to this as the authoritarian parenting style. This type of parent is likely to degrade a child and ignore the child's point of view. This should be an opportunity to teach a life lesson. Unfortunately, strong punishment leads to more misbehavior and rebellion and results in constant power struggles.
There are a lot of ways to help children live a healthy lifestyle. Saying things rudely about their weight is just mean. Body image is such a sensitive topic, when children are taught at a young age to be cautious of everything they eat, it can lead to lifelong damage. To add to this, parents talking about their own weight negatively in front of their children negatively affects them too.
This puts a lot of pressure on your child. Do they need to be the example that this other child is striving to be? It's okay for younger siblings to look up to their older siblings, but they do not set an example. The parent should be the role model. They need to be setting a good example. There are many ways to gently correct a child's behavior versus just scolding them. If children are not taught or shown how to do things properly, they cannot be expected to do it.
Things are not always going to be fine. Giving children a false sense that nothing can go wrong is setting them up for a big surprise when it does. Easing their fears is fine, but unless you know for 100% certainty everything will be fine, best not to say it.
Amy Morin a licensed clinical social worker, a psychology instructor at Northeastern University and a psychotherapist says, wise parents give their kids chances to practice their skills by allowing them to feel uncomfortable. And rather than help them "not feel scared," they encourage their kids to "be brave." Their kids gain confidence in their ability to tolerate being uncomfortable and they learn that they can do things they don't feel like doing.
Sources; Amy Morint, Michigan State University, Cooks Hill Counseling, Raewyn Connell, Jennifer Kalita, National Library of Medicine