Name: Keelin Hodgkins DiMarioAge: 39
Hometown: Lenox, Massachusetts a.k.a. "in the Berkshires"
Occupation: Accounts payable processor for a nonprofit
Time Running: 10 years
Reason for Running: To keep moving forward and to run for those who can't.
I first tried to get into running at age 15 when I wanted to be "athletic," so I joined my high school's cross-country team. I quit after three weeks because I hated running. I then dabbled in running in my early twenties. At that time in my life, I did not have a healthy relationship with food and exercise, and was running for all the wrong reasons. It wasn't until 2013 that I truly got into the sport.
In the years leading up to 2013, I had two major losses. The first happened in June of 2009 when I lost my aunt Cassie to pancreatic cancer, and the second was September of 2010 when my water broke early and I was unable to carry my pregnancy to term and lost my son. I spent the next three years suffocating in grief, depression, anxiety, and feeling like my body was a failure. I was trying to navigate being a childless mother and I wasn't living life. I was a shadow of the energetic boisterous person I used to be.
Then one night in the spring of 2013, my aunt Cassie came to me in a dream. Picture Cher in Moonstruck-except it was Cassie telling me to "snap out of it" She told me staying stuck in my grief was no way to live and it was no way to honor the loss of my son or to honor her. She told me to start living life and let go of the pain I was carrying. I woke up from that dream in tears knowing that it was time to try and start moving forward and work through my pain.
The next day I grabbed a pair of running shoes and went for a run. I barely made it a mile that day, but I was moving forward and was determined to keep doing it and I did. I kept lacing up and I kept running. This time around, I was taking up running not because I wanted to be athletic or burn calories and shed weight-I took up running because I was desperate to burn off the self-limiting beliefs I had and the weight of grief.
The beginning of my running journey was a lot of cotton shirts I should've never run in and tears-so many tears. In my first few weeks of running I was trying to run two to three miles at a time roughly three to four days a week. Then, after just those few weeks of running I decided to go all in on this journey and registered for the Hartford Half Marathon in the fall of 2013. Prior to this, I had only done a few 5Ks and a couple 10Ks. I figured go big or go home, and printed out the first half marathon training plan that came with a Google search, which was Hal Higdon's beginner plan.
Since then, I've run 14 half marathons, and I ran all but four of those half marathons for Project Purple, a pancreatic cancer nonprofit that I am now an ambassador for. I've also run three marathons.
The marathon is a distance that I absolutely loathe, but I loathe pancreatic cancer more-and it's the only reason why I commit to running them. Despite the cancellation of the 2020 Chicago Marathon, I opted to run the Chicago Marathon virtually in my hometown and ran 26 one-mile loops around my downtown area. It was by far one of the most difficult runs I've ever done, but my attitude was this: Races can get canceled, but the fight that someone has to face battling pancreatic cancer wasn't canceled-so I laced up and ran it anyway.
Currently, 13 years have passed since Cassie died, and the five-year survival rate for pancreatic cancer is only 11%. Project Purple has been my way to honor her.
So how did I find Project Purple? After getting into the New York City Half Marathon by lottery, I was getting emails from the New York Road Runners (NYRR) about how you could use your own bib and run for affiliated charities. I had done a 5K in the spring of 2013 for a large national pancreatic cancer charity, but didn't feel I was making a direct impact and wrote off doing any races for charity. I'm the type of person that needs to feel a direct connection, and I just didn't feel that with the other organization.
I decided to give the idea of doing a race for charity a second try when in an NYRR email I saw "Project Purple" and "running to beat pancreatic cancer." I thought if I was running the NYC Half for "fun," why not run for Project Purple?
When my aunt was dying she used to tell me, "Don't let me just be a photo hanging on the wall; please don't forget me." And I thought that this half marathon would be a great way to honor her and continue the fight where she left off. I sent an email to the organization telling them I had my own bib and would like to run the 2014 NYC Half for them.
I was shocked that roughly an hour later the founder of the organization, Dino Verrelli, emailed me back the information on how to join their team and excited that I had my own entry. The idea of Project Purple was born from Dino losing his own father to the disease, and he has a dogged commitment to having, as their mission, states "a world without pancreatic cancer."
After just a few email exchanges, I immediately resonated with the passion for the cause Dino had and was ecstatic to be running for Project Purple. I knew from that day forward if I was running, I was going to be running for Project Purple and making my miles matter for those who can't run. I was a part of something that made me feel like my miles and fundraising efforts were making a direct impact on the pancreatic cancer community. I didn't feel like I was just a bib number out there that could raise money, I was made to feel like family and the friendships that have come as a result of the last eight and a half years of running for the organization have become an incredibly invaluable part of life and my ability to heal from loss.
I'm currently training for the Chicago Marathon, so I'm running four times a week with two of the runs being more targeted runs like track work, intervals, fartleks, and the like. I have had a horrible habit in the past of overtraining for racing and not listening to my body, so the only race goal I care about for the Chicago Marathon is raising $25,000 for Project Purple.
Running, to me, is the literal manifestation of moving forward. Forward through life, forward through grief, forward toward finding a cure and early detection for pancreatic cancer. Running makes me feel like I'm living my purpose. When Cassie was dying, she wrote something she told us she wanted on her headstone which was: "All the human experience is, is about the journey toward wholeness." Running, and even more so running for those who can't, has been my journey toward wholeness. Running taught me how to, as Glennon Doyle says, "feel it all."
I may not have crossed the finish line into motherhood the way I imagined, but I run every major race I run with my son's footprints inside the soles of my shoes. I would run 100 marathons if it meant having my aunt back, but instead I run so that other families don't have to feel my loss. Running showed me that from such incredible darkness can come beautiful light.
Whether you've been running for two months or 20 years, that voice in your head that says you can't or that you aren't enough is lying to you.
Never let one bad run get you down. Your best effort two weeks ago may not be your best effort in another two weeks, and that's okay.
I used to be terrible about this, and now I know that when my body is saying rest, I rest.
?Obé Fitness: Obé single handedly broke all of my bad running habits like not warming up, not stretching after runs, and I'm finally doing strength work and cross training. Obé is my one-stop shop for running healthy and they just started doing audio runs so my tempo/interval runs have become a lot more fun! I've been with them for four years and have been running the strongest I ever have run since using the platform.
?Pro Compression Socks and Calf Sleeves: I'm all about fun socks and keeping my calf muscles happy during runs. They have the best patterns and colors. I obviously have anything they make in purple.
?All Access Center Stage Pocket Biker Shorts: These shorts are so comfortable and the large side pockets are perfect for holding everything I need on a run. I've even been able to fit in a small water bottle!
?Hyperice Hypervolt Go Massage Gun: This massage gun has been the saving grace for my legs after hard workouts and races. It's worth the hype!
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