Internet commenters rallied around one mother who refuses to act as another mother for her ex-husband's oldest daughter.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/Individual-Flower931 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said she shares two children with her ex and made it clear that she will not treat his additional three kids in any way as her own.
Titled, "[Am I the a**hole] for telling my ex's daughter that I am not her aunt or her other mom?" the post has received more than 7,000 upvotes and 700 comments in the last day.
"I (34f) was with Liam (35m) for over a decade, had two children with him," OP began. "We broke up when I learned he was cheating on me with Ella (30f)."
Continuing to explain that Ella was pregnant when she discovered the affair, the original poster said her ex-husband was "very smug" about his new family and the prospect of his new lover becoming "number 1 mom" to the couple's children because of her family's wealth and resources.
The original poster also said that, after her ex-husband welcomed two additional children bringing the new couple's total to three, their tone changed dramatically.
"They ended up struggling. While I was doing better than ever," OP wrote. "The name I had heard for their daughter was suddenly changed...to my name, and they started being super kiss a** with me.
"Apparently they are telling those girls that I'm their aunt and/or their other mom, hence the older of the three being named after me," OP continued. "The oldest is always trying to seek me out.
"A few days ago their oldest sought me out again...and [said] how she's so glad I'm her aunt and her other mom," OP added. "I told her I wasn't. I said so kindly. But I was also firm that I was not her aunt or her mom in any way."
Breaking apart existing families to reconstruct new ones with new people is rarely easy and lends itself to a myriad of difficulties involving children and unfamiliar parental figures.
For a majority of blended families, in which at least one partner brings along a child from a previous relationship, issues arise when stepparents overstep boundaries and attempt to exert control over kids who already have parents of their own.
Less common, however, are scenarios in which parents of blended families force their new children on previous romantic partners in hopes of gaining sympathy and support.
Last decade, a woman in a position similar to the original poster's asked Slate's former advice columnist Emily Yoffe if she should oblige her ex-husband's request that she care for the affair child that effectively ended her marriage.
Yoffe responded that, while the child involved was ultimately innocent and had no say in events which occurred before their birth, the woman had no obligation to watch her ex-husband's new kid.
"You are perfectly entitled to tell [him] this is his mess," she asserted. "And he needs to deal with it."
Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, Redditors echoed this sentiment and assured the original poster that she was well within her rights to tell her ex-husband's daughter that she is not her aunt, and certainly not her other mother.
"[Not the a**hole]," Redditor u/californiahapamama commented, receiving more than 3,500 upvotes. "You didn't lie to their daughter. Ella's kids are not anything to you and you don't owe them anything."
"I feel really bad for the kids stuck in this demented situation," Redditor u/shawslate added, receiving more than 1,500 upvotes. "How awful to be lied to by your own parents as a way of manipulating others."
Redditor u/me_version_2, whose comment has received more than 2,000 upvotes, speculated that the original poster's ex-husband and second wife were determined to guilt OP into providing parental assistance.
"OMG [not the a**hole]," they wrote. "She's playing the long game of manipulation and hoping you'll just get worn down and go along with it."
"100%," Redditor u/-too-hot-to-handle- chimed in. "I was just thinking that the girl was told this so that it might manipulate OP into giving in rather than upsetting a child."
In the post's top comment, which has received more than 10,000 upvotes, Redditor u/mrsjmscavill offered a more scathing response aimed directly at the original poster's ex-husband's current wife.
"She's calling you the [a**hole] after you broke her daughter's heart but she did the same for helping a married man with two kids cheat with her," they wrote. "Karma did bite them in the a**."
Newsweek reached out to u/Individual-Flower931 for comment.
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