© BRO Vector - Getty ImagesBullying can have lasting effects on someone's mental health. Experts offer ways to support friends and family who are victims.
In an era where #BeKind frequently trends on social media, it's ironic that so many of us are subjected to behavior that reflects otherwise. One in five children in the U.S. are bullied at school each year, but it's far from just a playground problem: 60 million Americans experience workplace bullying, and around half of adolescents and adults face online harassment at some point.
Being on the receiving end of abuse - whether physical or mental - can make you feel incredibly isolated, sad, and hopeless. And although these feelings might ease slightly as a specific moment of torment passes, in reality the psychological impact runs much deeper.
Anxiety is one of the most common short-term symptoms that arises in those being bullied, often manifesting in the form of panic attacks. Low mood is another, and it's more than just feeling mild malaise."They'll feel very unmotivated and exhausted," explains Rachel Andrew, a clinical psychologist. Plus,"they might not have much interest in things they did previously, like hobbies or friendships."
But these emotional effects often don't end when the bullying does."Individuals who are bullied are more likely to experience depression and anxiety," reveals Susan Swearer, Willa Cather Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and co-director of Bullying Research Network.
Research shows that those bullied in childhood are at a much higher risk of developing depression, anxiety, panic disorders, agoraphobia, and suicidal tendencies extending well into their mid-to-late adult years. Additionally, those who experience workplace bullying are more likely to face mental-health concerns five years later, and cyberbullying creates similar outcomes.
If you're a friend or family member, it can be tough watching a loved one go through such emotional turmoil - especially when you know the effects might be significant and long lasting. But what if you could help prevent this?
Why support is so vital
While you might not be able to physically remove a loved one from a bullying situation, there are plenty of things you can do to support their mental health - and chances are you'll have more of a positive impact than you realize.
"To be able to have an external person to talk to who can validate you and that you can feel supported by is essential," states Andrew. In fact, numerous studies reveal just how important social support is in reducing bullying-associated trauma and its long-term effects.
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Parents, take note: Bullied children who feel their concerns and experiences are understood by you are less likely to report mental-health issues, while parental support has also been found to reduce rates of self-harm amongst bullying victims.
But friends have an important role to play too. Those who feel buoyed by their buddies are at a lower risk of developing symptoms of depression and anxiety, not as likely to internalize their worries and distress, and less prone to feeling victimized - a sensibility associated with depression.
It's a no-brainer that you'll want to offer support and TLC in as many ways as possible - but sometimes it can be hard to know where to start, especially if your loved one prefers to compartmentalize concerns rather than share them.
What can I do to help?
The good news? To be an effective emotional advocate, all you need is an open ear and some time. Here, our experts share easy steps you can take to help reduce the mental load on your loved one.
Don't be afraid to ask if they're okay
You might be concerned about intruding on your loved one's privacy or seeming nosy, but starting the conversation could be exactly what your loved one is waiting for. A gentle approach is best, so ask questions such as"I was wondering if everything is OK at work?" or"Is everything all right with your friends?"
"To name some specific things can open up opportunities and is helpful," says Andrew."They'll know then that you've noticed, that you care about them, and that you're there if they'd like to talk about it."
A problem shared is a problem halved
"Sharing experiences can help people work through stressful situations," states Swearer. Make sure the conversation is nonjudgmental, she adds, and offer empathy."Let your loved one know that it's brave to talk about the bullying."
Andrew notes that validating their concerns is important too."If someone begins to open up, you can say,'It sounds awful. I feel angry for you - how can I help?' Those conversations will reassure that you're there for them."
Help them find their power
"Although the whole situation might feel out of control, what can they control whilst they're waiting to get out [of it]?" asks Andrew. Helping them identify where their power lies can provide a much-needed boost of confidence.
For instance, someone being cyberbullied can start taking back power by blocking the bully's accounts or refusing to engage. Meanwhile, in person, putting on a confident front can catch the bully off guard - and doesn't give them an angst-ridden reaction to thrive off.
Assist them in identifying allies
A big part of being bullied is feeling isolated and alone, so"help the individual brainstorm ways to surround themselves with kind, supportive people," suggests Swearer. If your loved one is being bullied at school or in a workplace, who can they turn to when you're not around? Perhaps there's a colleague or member of their friendship group who makes a point of coming to their defense.
When a child is being bullied, it's important to understand they might feel hesitant about going to an authority figure."The advice is always to tell a teacher, but that is hard for some children, especially when they perceive it will just make the situation worse," Andrew adds, so be patient and talk through their concerns.
Encourage screen-time limits
This is particularly relevant for cyberbullying but is also beneficial in other instances. Settings can be adjusted on phones to limit the amount of time spent on social-media apps, which is important"if you identify that they're increasing anxiety and making you feel more vulnerable," explains Andrew. Furthermore, she adds, undertaking steps such as this provides a sense of control over other aspects of their daily life.
Spend more time together
This affirms to the individual that they're treasured, appreciated, and loved in addition to providing a sense of security,"increasing their self-esteem and providing a distraction," Andrew says. Think of fun activities you can do together, or if there are any places they have fond memories that you can visit, to help them feel safe and comforted.
© Tim Robberts - Getty ImagesMake sure to prioritize fun activities together.
Hook them up with support groups
See if you can"help the individual connect with others who might be experiencing bullying as well," Swearer recommends."It's helpful for people to realize that they're not alone."
An internet search can assist in locating any local support groups or bullying chat forums. Plus, if your loved one is in school, you could speak with the school counselor about forming a meeting for individuals going through similar experiences.
Urge them to seek professional help
As hard as you might try, support from friends and family can only go so far."We encourage anyone experiencing bullying to seek help from a mental-health professional," states Swearer. Not only do therapists offer an external and neutral perspective, but they're trained in behavioral approaches and interventions that could be beneficial.
Assure your loved one there's no shame in seeking professional assistance: In fact, the number of U.S. adults doing so continues to rise sharply, so they'll be far from alone.
Everyone who is bullied goes through their own situation, fears, and emotions - and, unfortunately, there's no cookie-cutter approach to solving their problems. But by showing up and affirming that you're there for them, you'll play a vital role in their journey and positively influence their mental well-being in ways they'll appreciate for years to come.
Chantelle Pattemore is a freelance journalist and editor, with a predominant focus on wellbeing, health, fitness and culture. She has written for Greatist, Men's Fitness, Best Life, Women's Health, Reader's Digest, Top Sante, Stylist and The Strategist UK, among others - and can be found occasionally musing over life on Twitter @journochantelle.
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