© Bang ShowbizJeff Brazier
Jeff Brazier felt like he didn't "deserve to grieve" Jade Goody's death.
The television presenter dated the late star between 2002 and 2004 and shares Bobby, 17, and Freddie, 16, together, but he admits that when she tragically passed in 2009 from cervical cancer, he felt like he couldn't be sad and had to focus on their kids.
He said: "I wasn't in a relationship with Jade when she died so I felt I didn't deserve to grieve and instead threw myself into caring for the kids and looking after their emotions. I had a lot of male pride in those days and didn't want to show my vulnerability, but now I know that only alienated me from family and friends."
And the 41-year-old star praised his children for being so "resilient" despite them both being so young when Jade died.
Speaking to The Sun on Sunday newspaper, he added: "My gosh, they are just so resilient. Of course they were so young when she died and it pains me to think they never knew Jade in the same way we all did. When Bobby landed his first fashion magazine cover [for Man About Town] he said he hoped his mum was looking down on him and smiling."And I'm sure she was. When I look at Bobby and Freddie I see their mother's colourful personality shining through. I mean, Jade was one of the biggest characters out there and the boys have both inherited that from her."
Meanwhile, Jeff previously confessed he felt "helpless" in his relationship with Jade.
He said: "I think as time went by it just became obvious to both of us that we were fighting a losing battle and actually it was probably really starting to affect both our mental health. I don't think I was close to a breakdown as such but there's layers to it there's a scale I don't know how far along the scale I was I just know I was really stressed and felt helpless."Helpless is exactly the word actually ... When I met Jade I had the benefit of seeing it - when she was on telly and 'Big Brother', it was the last thing she actually wanted to show people - because that was her vulnerability but she gave me the right to see it and she was an incredible person for all her [faults]. I got it, I got the fact that she had had a difficult childhood and she wasn't always going to be easy to be with and I'd accepted that but it just got to a point where I knew I was powerless to help her."